Today’s post for my writing challenge is just going to be this. It’s something I had on my list of prompts to write, but I realized I could easily fit it into the journal series as it was something I had planned on writing anyway. Anyway, here it is. 🙂
July 17th, 2083 BC
I went to see Phoenix today. To check on him. He is in worse shape than I could have imagined. He has been sitting at her grave site, and he hasn’t moved from that spot in hours. I have no idea what to do to help him. I didn’t know her, but I’ve heard nothing but good things about her from both him and Michael.
I’ve never seen him so broken over anything before. He won’t talk to me, he won’t even acknowledge my presence. I want so badly to help him, but her death has shaken him more than I would have expected any death to shake a Guardian. We are trained to stay with humans from birth until death, over and over again. Yes, he fell for her, he was even engaged to be married to her. Had the wedding happened today like it was supposed to, I would be writing something much happier than this.
But how much can our training really help us prepare for the death of our first case? Or for the death of someone we love? Is it expected for us to learn how to make it a routine? That we become desensitized in some way to death after watching it happen so many times? I think not. No matter how many deaths I have witnessed, it gets no easier.
How do I help him through this aside from being here? I don’t know the loss of a partner. Not in the way that he does. Losing Amirah was the opposite for me. I was the one who died. She was who was left to deal with it, to continue life without me. The only real loss I’ve suffered is that of my son, and I know it doesn’t compare to what he is going through.
So what do I do? Her family is bustling, trying to prepare the meal for those of us who came to honour her, who came to support them and Phoenix through this hard time, but I don’t know these people. I only know Michael and Phoenix, and Michael is so busy trying to help her parents cook and prepare that he isn’t speaking to anyone at all. I’m not sure he’s even noticed that I’m here, to be honest. What can I do?
Anytime I try to talk to Phoenix, he pushes me away. I know he loved her, he talked about her constantly when I would see him, but I don’t think I really accounted for just how much. It’s painful to watch him go through this and to be so helpless to do something for him to make this easier. I feel so lost…