I’ve been sitting on this for a couple of weeks, but I think it’s finally time to make it official. It’s leaving me with an unimaginable amount of work to do in the next few months, but whatever. It was my choice, and I really want to meet my goal for this. What am I talking about? My novel. The first real novel I will be publishing. Not the short stories, but a real full length novel.
Between Love and Death has been a huge project for me, with a lot of ups and downs over a very long period of time. How long? I think I started dreaming about this project when I was 12, although it’s changed so much since then that not much is even the original concept. It’s evolved along with me over the last 15 years, and its been written a total of 6 times as completely different versions just to get the right story from it all. And I’m not talking about different drafts. I mean completely different books using nothing but the same characters.
I’ve heard people say that you know when you’ve found your story. I get it now. I hated my story no matter how many times I went back and fixed things and rewrote scenes or full chapters. It never felt right. Last year I finally found my true thread, the one that I could write about and be happy with the outcome. No filler, something deeper, something more emotional and less shallow. It felt right, finally. It was what I needed to write without all of the fluff. The resulting story is the most raw and true thing I could have written for my characters, and it’s completely different from the original scribbles I began writing as a youth.
This story is more mature and far beyond what I could have imagined as a naive little 12 year old. This is something I am proud of. I’m terrified to publish, but I am proud that I have finally found it. And I think I may have cried a little when I did know that I had found it. It was overwhelming and satisfying, and it felt almost like finding your true purpose. I have no other way the describe it. I just knew that I had found my story, my true story that I had to write. Not something I was writing because it was easy or someone might want to read it.
This book, and the other books that will continue the series after the first one has been published, has been the result of countless hours of research and writing and rewriting and editing. Countless hours of struggling to find the right words, questioning the reason I even put myself through this, wondering if it will ever be worth it. And you know what? I stopped caring. When I realized I was looking for the right story for me, the story I had to tell for my Julian, I realized that I didn’t care if it ever went anywhere. I still planned on publishing, but I cared less about how many copies I will potentially sell. This book is his story, and I finally found it. It’s not about writing for anyone else, or what anyone might think. I pushed Julian, and I pushed myself. And I finally feel like things have come together.
This isn’t to say I don’t want the book to be successful, but it’s less important than it was in the beginning. The most important part for me is that Julian’s story is being written, finally, and it’s as true to him as I can possible make it.
So when will I finally be releasing this book that’s taken me more than half my life to finally get right? December of this year. THIS YEAR! I can’t believe it’s finally happening! All of the work and frustration and tears that have gone into its creation are finally going to pay off when I get that hard copy of the finished product in my hands. As the next few months progress, I may share some photos with all of you of the massive piles of notes and notebooks and research in general so that you can see the pure magnitude of this accomplishment for me.
I know every writer probably feels this way at some point. I’m not saying this is any different for me than for someone else. I’m just feeling so unbelievably accomplished right now, and I can’t wait to finally launch my debut novel after all this time. I feel like my entire life has been leading up to this launch, and like I may explode from joy when it is officially published.
I just realized how long this post is, and I think that’s enough rambling for now. If you want more info on the novel, click on the Love and Death tab in the menu. There is a synopsis for the first book there, as well as a short synopsis for the second novel and pages for the main characters that I’ve working on getting finished up.
So just to say it again for my own pleasure, the release date for Between Love and Death is December 9th, 2015.